Occurred to me that when writing a blog, it might be a good idea to inform any potential readers who the devil I am - as it's a bit tricky to make a connection with someone who you have no idea who they are are where they are from or any sort of context to consider when you read what they are writing - it's just good manners really.
All I have at the top of the page is a photograph - albeit a good one, slightly airbrushed and well lit, taken professionally and "touched up" accordingly, although I would have liked the teeth whitened a little more if I'm honest, but at least it's fairly recent - Summer 2010.
So a short biography is in order I guess, although biographies are painful - it's like writing a CV - it's about as much fun as chewing air and despite my desire to make it as straightforward and honest as possible, if I do a straight biography - I know I'll end up polishing it and I dare say I might embellish the truth a little, or leave out some of the things that perhaps I'm a little bit embarrassed about - which is of course the bit that is the most interesting.
So let's not do that - I'll jot down a few things that are relevant to me and mine.
Born in Glasgow to George and Flora in 1962. Eldest of four brothers, i lost my accent after an unpleasant playground incident at my first English primary school somewhere around 1967. I just remember this big kid sitting on my chest smashing the side of my head with a stone shouting, "I hate Scottish bastards", I am not sure what could possibly have given him cause for such upset at his tender age, but after careful research recently, I found out that Scotland beat England, who were the then World Champs, 2-3 with goals from Denis Law, Bobby Lennox and Jim McCalliog and I can only assume my tormentor had taken this very personally. I do sometimes still think of him and wonder what he must be like now? if he was so demonstrative and physical at Sherwood Infants - all this talk right now of Scottish Independence and the break up of the Union must be sending him over the edge, he's probably ready to invade Edinburgh and rout the Clans on a small field outside Inverness anyday now.
It did however, teach me an early lesson of life and the next day I came in to school sounding like Bertie Wooster and never looked back really - when it came to survival, I was a quick learner.
Anyway, I digress, my father - who sadly passed away in the late Autumn of 2008 - was a "tobacco traveler" according to my birth certificate. An ambitious and talented man his pursuit of a career, a better life for himself and his loved ones, meant we travelled up and down the country, moving schools and leaving friends until we settled in the small, quaint coastal resort of Lytham St Annes - which is where I live today and the place I like to call home.
I have three children - Ben is the eldest and is 23, Lucy is 21 and the third is Corey who is 12.
The first two were the fruit borne of my marriage to Michelle, which lasted way beyond the national average and Corey is not biologically mine (to use a daytime tv term) but the result of a new relationship with a lovely lady called Belinda.
We all live in what the brochure optimistically described as a "townhouse" on the edge of our little nirvana.
I like all sorts of things - footy, golf, cycling, kiting, wasting time on the 'tinterweb, watching Ealing comedies, egg and chips, Red Bull and Vodka, bacon butties with brown sauce on muffins - bit gay I know, but I love a muffin and the bacon has to be very crispy, otherwise I'm retching - SkyPlus, cappuccino, Ben and Jerrys Cookie Dough, anything that begins with i- and a complaining about the state of the country and that the bins are emptied often enough and that they've shut down my local tip - bastards !!
What don't I like? - well not much if I think about it - cold swimming pools really, that's about it, oh yes and that horrible feeling in the pit of the stomach you get when you open the dishwasher and it's been sick back on the plates and it's all dried in.
We have an deaf and dumb cleaner (wait for it) called Tina - who is only occasionally incontinent and a boiler that previously had clearly been installed at the council as it shuts shop every Friday at 4pm, with handbags on desks by 3.30pm and then warms up again ready for action about 10ish on Monday morning.
There is also a cat called Fluffy who although we have wooden floors, finds time to be sick on the only rug in the house and at work I'm brilliant and always have been and everyone thinks I'm really great.
One final thing - I've got a nice car which is German.
No comments:
Post a Comment