yes, but who the f**k are you ?!?!

Occurred to me that when writing a blog, it might be a good idea to inform any potential readers who the devil I am - as it's a bit tricky to make a connection with someone who you have no idea who they are are where they are from or any sort of context to consider when you read what they are writing - it's just good manners really.

All I have at the top of the page is a photograph - albeit a good one, slightly airbrushed and well lit, taken professionally and "touched up" accordingly, although I would have liked the teeth whitened a little more if I'm honest, but at least it's fairly recent - Summer 2010.

So a short biography is in order I guess, although biographies are painful - it's like writing a CV - it's about as much fun as chewing air and despite my desire to make it as straightforward and honest as possible, if I do a straight biography - I know I'll end up polishing it and I dare say I might embellish the truth a little, or leave out some of the things that perhaps I'm a little bit embarrassed about - which is of course the bit that is the most interesting.

So let's not do that - I'll jot down a few things that are relevant to me and mine.

Born in Glasgow to George and Flora in 1962. Eldest of four brothers, i lost my accent after an unpleasant playground incident at my first English primary school somewhere around 1967.  I just remember this big kid sitting on my chest smashing the side of my head with a stone shouting, "I hate Scottish bastards", I am not sure what could possibly have given him cause for such upset at his tender age, but after careful research recently, I found out that Scotland beat England, who were the then World Champs, 2-3 with goals from Denis Law, Bobby Lennox and Jim McCalliog and I can only assume my tormentor had taken this very personally.  I do sometimes still think of him and wonder what he must be like now? if he was so demonstrative and physical at Sherwood Infants - all this talk right now of Scottish Independence and the break up of the Union must be sending him over the edge, he's probably ready to invade Edinburgh and rout the Clans on a small field outside Inverness anyday now.   

It did however, teach me an early lesson of life and the next day I came in to school sounding like Bertie Wooster and never looked back really - when it came to survival, I was a quick learner.

Anyway, I digress, my father - who sadly passed away in the late Autumn of 2008 - was a "tobacco traveler" according to my birth certificate. An ambitious and talented man his pursuit of a career, a better life for himself and his loved ones, meant we travelled up and down the country, moving schools and leaving friends until we settled in the small, quaint coastal resort of Lytham St Annes - which is where I live today and the place I like to call home.

I have three children - Ben is the eldest and is 23, Lucy is 21 and the third is Corey who is 12.

The first two were the fruit borne of my marriage to Michelle, which lasted way beyond the national average and Corey is not biologically mine (to use a daytime tv term) but the result of a new relationship with a lovely lady called Belinda.

We all live in what the brochure optimistically described as a "townhouse" on the edge of our little nirvana.

I like all sorts of things - footy, golf, cycling, kiting, wasting time on the 'tinterweb, watching Ealing comedies, egg and chips, Red Bull and Vodka, bacon butties with brown sauce on muffins - bit gay I know, but I love a muffin and the bacon has to be very crispy, otherwise I'm retching - SkyPlus, cappuccino, Ben and Jerrys Cookie Dough, anything that begins with i- and a complaining about the state of the country and that the bins are emptied often enough and that they've shut down my local tip - bastards !!

What don't I like? - well not much if I think about it - cold swimming pools really, that's about it, oh yes and that horrible feeling in the pit of the stomach you get when you open the dishwasher and it's been sick back on the plates and it's all dried in.

We have an deaf and dumb cleaner (wait for it) called Tina - who is only occasionally incontinent and a boiler that previously had clearly been installed at the council as it shuts shop every Friday at 4pm, with handbags on desks by 3.30pm and then warms up again ready for action about 10ish on Monday morning.

There is also a cat called Fluffy who although we have wooden floors, finds time to be sick on the only rug in the house and at work I'm brilliant and always have been and everyone thinks I'm really great.

One final thing - I've got a nice car which is German.

TOP 20 OFFICE CLICHÉS

1. 'At the end of the day'
2. 'What goes around, comes around'
3. 'It's not rocket science'
4. 'Thinking outside the box'
5. 'Flogging a dead horse'
6. 'Don't shoot the messenger'
7. 'Going forward'
8. 'By the close of play'
9. 'Give you the heads up'
10. 'Live and learn'
11. 'C'est la vie'
12. 'Don't put all your eggs in one basket'
13. 'Hit the ground running'
14. 'Always look on the bright side of life'
15. 'Suck it and see'
16. 'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth'
17. 'Don't worry, be happy'
18. 'I know it’s a big ask'
19. 'I'm out'
20. 'There are no flies on me'

The study also found one in three bosses have pulled an employee to one side to ask them not to use clichés in meetings with clients.

I can’t be everybodys’ mate?

Picture the scene June 2010, I’m about to enter Hollywood Studios theme park on a glorious Florida morning and I’m going through the bag check area with my daughter who’s 19 and after the guys finished checking our camera bags and the like he looks us both in the eye and says “thank you so much for your patience and just have yourselves a magical day won’t you?”.  Wow did I feel good? Even the security guy wants me to have a magical day and I’ve not even got in the park yet !!

However, fast forward to July this year and my daughter and some friends and family are visiting Blackpool and they want to go up the Tower, so I pay for the tickets (approx £60 bags worth) and then just before we pass through into the aquarium – for all those who’ve done the “Tower experience” the aquarium is the first thing you see as you come into the main building – a security guy asks to see my tickets and after a quick flick through, passes them back to me and says? ……………………….. well what do you think he said? ………………… he didn’t wish us a magical day, he said “there you go mate, on your way”.

Now maybe to wish us a magical day is a big ask in Blackpool, maybe it’s a bit schmaltzy, maybe it’s a bit treacly, a bit sugary for the NW coast of England – but “there you go mate, on your way” please tell me what’s that all about? Talk about dontgiveamonkeys.com, how unimpressed was I?

Disney of course do it brilliantly and hey guess what? they’re incredibly successful – the Academy is bringing them back in September, so if you want to find out how they do it? and why they are so good at what they do? check out the details on this website.

I’m not in the habit of knocking Blackpool, it’s my hometown and I feel a lot of affection for it and the “mate issue” is not something that is confined to Blackpool, far from it – its everywhere.

Mate, pal, duck, luv, buddy, chum - I’ve had them all as I’m sure we all have, we must be the friendliest country in the world – we’re all so …….  matey? Except its not really friendly is it? it’s not meant to be friendly, its at best an acknowledgement and not much more than that.

Now my name was printed clearly on the top of the tickets, so why not just refer to me by name? but I’m not your mate, never have, been never will be – simple as.  Do Sir if you have too, not a great fan of Sir even, but it least it gives me the nod that my presence and more importantly my cash is welcome here, but not mate, never mate.

So everywhere I go on my travels I’m mates with people – I must have more friends than Facebook, alright mate? at bars, thanks mate at cafes and restaurants and what can I get you mate? at a plethora of retail outlets.

Anyway, later in my trip up the Tower, I’m in the lift with my party and other guests and the lift operator asks “anyone bothered about hearing anything about the history of the Tower?” nobody answered quick enough so he said “didn’t think so – good”

Its an icon of British Victorian engineering for goodness sake, it’s a Grade 1 listed building, it can be seen from a 30 mile radius, the circus ring can be lowered into a pool of water and holds 42,000 gallons at a depth of up to 4 ft 6 inches, is one of only 4 in the world that can do this.  The Ballroom is just beautiful, designed by Frank Matcham and is reputed to be the largest ballroom in the world behind one of the Palaces of Culture in Moscow.

I could go on – but what a shame that the opportunity was not grasped to enthuse, excite, engage the visitors in that lift about what a truly unique building Blackpool Tower was and still is.  What a waste of an opportunity to inform, tell a story, make us feel that we were on a journey of discovery, but no, it wasn’t to be.

The Tower has new owners now and I wish them well with their investment and for the future of the Tower and the Winter Gardens which they have recently bought with the support of the town council – clearly there is a lot of work to do.

As for my mates at the Tower and all over the UK – either get a job you like, or ask- no demand of your boss, owner, line manager, HRD, CEO whoever? To show some interest in what you do and get yourself some World Class Customer Service training and development, (also available on the web site) so that the rest of us don’t have to suffer your indifference a day longer than we need to.   

Anyone told the experts we don’t need them anymore?

Just filled in my review of a sad little stay at an Earls Court hotel last week - inflated prices, impossibly small rooms and no air con – that type of thing.

Thing is I knew it was going to be poor before I stayed as I’d read my reviews – ignoring its star rating, I just cut through to what the paying public thinks and they were pretty spot on, apart from the odd, “its brilliant – thoroughly recommend” which I can only assume was written and posted by the hotel management, as it was a rare chink of light in a sky of thunder filled reviews.

The interesting development for hospitality with the spread of social networking and ready access to the internet and the web is that the public decide now what is good for us and what is not. Democracy is alive and well – if your product or service sucks, then fully expect somebody to photograph it, film it, comment on it and post it to a world wide audience of approx 6bn in a matter of seconds. Social networking has put the power back in the hands of the people – the genie is out of the bottle and there is no going back.

There will always still be room for a guidebook of course – ipads and iphones still have their limitations (hard to believe but true) connectivity, risk of theft, sunlight on the screen etc and the old analogy that lighters never fully replaced the match still is a good one.

However, what has changed is that we no longer need the “expert” An expert is good at conveying what they like, what they need, what appeals to them and when we had no one else to trust or listen to that was fine, but things are different now, very different. We are all commentators, informers, communicators and through blogs and social networking sites and the widespread use of smartphones we can now all have our say and instantly - we are all empowered.

The public decide who wins X-Factor, Big Brother, I’m a Celebrity etc the people are empowered, with a touch of a button, instant democracy by millions is delivered in a thrice – thumbs up, thumbs down, dreams created, lives shattered by a populous now used to deciding the fate of others – we love it, we want to be heard, we want a fraction of the action, we want a voice and now we have a platform – indeed we have many.

I can feel the luddites swaying uncomfortably, heads in the sand they stand there Canute like ignoring the inevitable and wishing for those John Major days of “warm beer, long shadows on cricket grounds and invincible suburbs” clumsily misquoted from Orwell by the way, in the Lion and the Unicorn.

However, let us consider the case of the Chinese for instance, Gulliver reports that 30 million Chinese booked travelled online last year (80% up on 2008) and 6 out of ten of them used web based forums to decide on their choice of destination. Just consider also that whilst globally the sector struggled last year – Chinas’ tourism revenues grew by 9% last year.

But things never stand still for long and China, India and Hong Kong travellers are now using social networking sites as opposed to travel based forums for selecting their travel destinations and preferences – 20% of them want the recommendations of their friends through Chinese versions of Facebook with the biggest and successful called Renren and value that more than anything else in their decision making.

Steve Kaufer, CEO of Trip Advisor, acknowledged this latest trend recently as he believes that users will no longer wade through 174 reviews from anonymous posters and will build their own group of friends and peers who they will rely on for their recommendations.

So the days of the expert are numbered – rather like John Majors’ misty eyed vision of Britain, its just for the romantics.

Give them a hug

The case of the 38 long-serving soldiers cowardly informed by email, that they were losing their jobs, caused huge embarrassment to the MOD and the Defence Secretary Rupert Fox. The warrant officers who had all served at least 22 years, received their emails without warning giving them 12 months notice..

Mr Fox said: "I am furious that such a situation should occur. This is no way to treat our armed forces personnel. I want to know how this was allowed to happen and what measures will be put in place to prevent this from happening again." Armed forces minister Nick Harvey, apologised for the blunder by the Army personnel centre in Glasgow.

It reminded me of the case of barmaid Karen Ogilvie, who took her case to an industrial tribunal last October after being sacked by text message. For her employer, the result was much worse than a rebuke from a Govt Minister.

Ms Ogilvie had worked at the pub since summer 2006 until her sacking in January 2010.  She had worked the previous day from 11am-4pm and again from 6pm-midnight.There were usually two staff present, but she had been left on her own for most of the evening shift and became stressed. The next day she slept in and missed the start of her shift. She then received a text message from her employer stating, "As you have decided not to come in tonight, any wages due and a week in lieu will be put through your door on Friday."

In a written judgment, the tribunal said the sacking had taken place without an investigation, a meeting or any right of appeal. "On the basis of the evidence before us, the claimant was dismissed by text message but she was not given any opportunity whatsoever to provide an explanation for lateness," it found.

The tribunal has ruled that Ms Ogilvie should receive £14,355 for unfair dismissal, plus almost £1300 for breach of contract and in lieu of annual leave.

However, worse than this, consider the fact that because of the way you treat your staff, you may lose your home? a bit far fetched? well ask flooring boss Simon Cremer  from Essex, who about the same time as the soldiers were receiving their redundancy notices, was facing a £34k legal bill for his actions and is now having to sell his house to pay it off.

You may remember he is the gentleman who caught his employee stealing money from his firm and frog marched him down the street to the police station with a sign around his neck that read “THEIF I stole £845 Am on way to Police Station”.  The employee Mark Gilbert was cautioned but was later able to bring a civil action under a medical policy against Mr Cremer for “stress, humiliation and trauma”.  The case was settled out of court and Mr. Gilbert received £5000 in compensation.

All of the above just prove to be a timely reminder that we all have a duty and legal obligation to treat our staff in a reasonable and fair manner and that there is due process that has to be observed.

These cases are extreme of course but regardless of the circumstances - the financial penalties and bad publicity are a huge drain on resources and highly damaging on any business when an employer gets it wrong.

So next time one of your team comes in late, rings in sick, upsets a customer – take a deep breath  - remember your staff and your teams are your no. 1 asset  - so look after them!! 

We get the service we deserve !!

We get the service we deserve

As a regular train user, I’ve been following the case of Tom Wrigglesworth for some time now with more than a casual interest.

For those of you who are not familiar with the name Tom Wrigglesworth, this is an interesting little tale that first goes back to 2008, when Tom, an up and coming Yorkshire comedian, got on a Virgin train from Manchester to London Euston and sat opposite an elderly grandmother called Lena.

As the ticket inspector came round, he noticed that Lenas’ ticket was on off-peak ticket and that she had boarded the train half an hour early and as she was now on a peak time train, she would have to pay the full fare, which was over ten times the amount she had already paid.

The gallant Mr. Wrigglesworth, who just happened to be sat opposite and watching this mini drama unfold, decided that he was going to act.

He was unhappy that this elderly lady was being charged ten fold, when she had already been informed by Virgin staff at Manchester just to get on the train as “it would be alright”, so he decided to get a brown buffet bag and go up and down the carriage and have a whip round from all the passengers in the carriage, who gave willingly (indeed one dropped in £30) and in no time the money was collected in full.

So job done you would think? – Lena can stay on the train, Virgin have been paid in full and all the passengers on the train have a rosy glow that they’ve all contributed and done their good deed for the day – well apparently not !! The ticket inspector took offence and rang ahead to Euston and two burly British Transport policemen were waiting for Tom on the platform to arrest him for begging !!

Fortunately, other passengers rallied round and explained what had really happened and happily the BT Police were dissuaded from taking any further action.

Tom, rightly feeling very hard done by, decided to take this further, lobbied hard and after incorporating it into his act, tour and a stint at the Edinburgh Festival with “An Open Return Letter to Richard Branson”, Virgin moved to change their policy and now anyone travelling with Virgin on an off peak train who hasn’t got a ticket, will only pay an off peak price.  The other rail companies have not followed suit and he is still lobbying and aims to deliver a petition this summer to try to get them to change their policy as well.

So what’s the moral of the story? – well for me it means that if we want the kind of service that we want, then we have to demand it – we don’t sit back and just accept what we’re given.

Often been said that the curse of the British is not having the spine to say what they mean, when they are on the end of poor service, it’s the “we just won’t come back again” syndrome, “we’ll turn a blind eye”, “lets not make a fuss” – Poor meal, badly served, overpriced rubbish and the waiter approaches “everything alright Sir?”

 “Yes lovely thanks!!” it is apathetic and pathetic and we end up with the service we deserve.

Good employers and good businesses want their customers’ feedback, it is hard currency to them, it is alchemy, it is so valuable, so don’t let them down – do right by them and do right by the rest of us as well and hey, when you see great service, smiles and warmth, don’t forget to yell about that too !!  

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading". - Henny Youngman

It was with some distress that I learned last week that my local is in trouble and there are scheming, unpleasant, scumbag developers looking to get hold of the site and …………. turn it into retirement flats – genius.

Its funny, because we are so used to hearing in the news and trade press about pubs closing by the bucket load, (about 5 a day on average and 35,000 since 2005) that we have become immune to it by now, its not even news anymore – its a non story. That is of course until it happens to you and it’s your local, then it’s a cause for a real feeling of loss, a bereavement, another of lifes landmarks slips away.

The particular pub in question, the Saracens Head, (the “Sarries”) is not especially notable – it’s over a 100 years old, used to be a coaching inn complete with their own stables and is currently what I heard the manager refer to it recently as “community sports bar” – I think that means it’s a local which shows the footy a lot.

However, locally, it is a landmark and it has a history that I’m a part of – I used to drink their with my Grandfather, I’ve drunk in their with my son, my daughter, my partner, friends, colleagues, I’ve been out with one of the barmaids, I’ve played snooker with my uncles there, I’ve spent Christmas lunches in their with my Dad,  it was where I nervously tried to work up some dutch courage with a couple of liveners before I got married, it is the venue where I witnessed over the course of a long end of season Saturday, my old rugby teacher, drinking 32 pints of Boddingtons,  and its where I nip in for a quick snifter when I’m waiting for the nearby Chinese restaurant to cook our takeaway.

It may get a reprieve and there is some hope that in the short term its future is safe, but the plight of British pubs is well documented and they have not suffered just from consumer lifestyle changes (although clearly that has not helped) but relentless changes in legislation from successive Governments who have intervened with policy changes that were ill thought out and misconceived.

In our age of Big Society, we are slowly dismantling the very fabric of our society – the pub.  The pub has been the centre of our communities for generations and where people come to meet and socialise, relax, meet people, catch up on local tittle-tattle and events.  Half the villages in England, now have no pub.  It’s not a new concern, George Orwell wrote an "obituary" of the pub on Feb. 9, 1946, entitled "Moon under water" for the Evening Standard, so the demise has been going on for more than sixty years.

Now we promote a drink at home culture, the supermarkets have been wholly responsible for the massive increase in wine drinking at the expense of beer and also undercutting the price of beer, so now we don’t have that highly sought after café culture – we have home drinking culture, unchecked,  unsupervised and unmanaged.

I’m a believer in the concept of the Big Society, less state intervention, people doing things for themselves, volunteering, contributing, putting something back into their community – it’s a great concept, so why let or pubs die and fade away so ingloriously? Why tax them out of existence with a duty ten times higher than Germanys? Why is there smoking and non smoking areas not allowed? And why let Pubcos, who run 40% of British pubs, take so little responsibility for the fate, success and longevity of these ”little pods of British humanity” – as the local post offices, the churches, the local shops and lastly our pubs all slip away, so does the concept of Big Society with it, shame on us !